Since I started to focus on meditation, tried to purify myself and find the truths of my fears and problems, a lot of strange things have been happening continuously. Last night, I found myself locked out of my flat by accidence, it was 11:15 pm already, and my flatmate, Mth., was on her first day of the three-day trip in London.
I stood under a very beautiful starring night, and regretted, ‘I shouldn’t have appreciated its beauty: maybe it had heard my worship and replied me in such a “romantic way”-- to put me standing in the freezing air all night.’ Or, I shouldn’t have missed Ar. so much all day yesterday, so God had heard me and tried to arrange this situation to force me searching for Ar.’s help. Maybe, the last possibility: God tried to remind me that I hadn’t completely detached from the obsessive love towards Ar., so I would never be set free and learn something about the higher level of love, ‘compassion’.
After all night of sleepless suffers from the pain of my heart and the restless thoughts in Ar.’s room, I’m now very sure the reason of this accidental event indicates to the last possibility. Just one day before yesterday, I drew an Osho Zen Tarot Card asking about my future intimate relationship regarding the issue of staying in the UK. I’ve got the one called, ‘lovers’:
‘There are three things that we need to remember: the bottom level of love is sex, it belongs to body. The highest and purest level of love is compassion. Sex is under the love, compassion is above the love, and the love situates in the middle. If you become very aware, alerted and peaceful, then the sex will transform into the love. If your inner peace becomes very completed and pure, the love will transform into the compassion. The sex is the seed, the love is the flower, and the compassion is its scents.
‘Lord Buddha defines the compassion as ‘the love plus a peaceful mind’. When your love doesn’t eager for others’ return, when your love is not only a need, when your love is to share, when your love doesn’t beg but is a king’s love, when your love doesn’t ask for others’ return but is always ready to give, purely to give for the joys of giving, and plus a peaceful mind; then the beautiful scents are released. That is compassion, and compassion is the highest level within the whole love phenomenon.
‘What we have talked about the love are actually all connected, from the earth (materials) to the sky (incarnation). In the material level, the love is seduced by the sex. There are many of us who are trapped in that, because our conditionings have applied too much expectation and suppression on the sex. In fact, the biggest problem of sex is that it never lasts long. Only when we accept this fact, we will be able to celebrate its originality. To welcome the sex while its happening, and when it disappears, just say good-bye to it with gratitude.
‘Then, when we become mature, we will be able to experience the love that is higher than the sex, and to appreciate others’ unique individuality. We will start to realize: our partners could often be our mirrors. They reflect our problems that used to be ignored deeply inside ourselves, and at the same time, they support us to become more completed. This kind of love is based on freedom, and it is not from an expectation or a need. Its wings will bring us higher and higher, towards to the great love of the universe, and those are the experiences that will teach us to become “the one”.’
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