Snow in Bristol

I walked out in 4 inches of snow around 6:40 this morning trying to catch the bus to work, and had an amazing experience. Especially while standing in front of the endless field (Blaise Castle Natural Reserve), I felt it might be what it would be like in the end of the world! It was only left speechlessly with dead silence but extreme tranquility...

The other face of me playing with the snow:
http://www.wretch.cc/album/show.php?i=SHYuan1410&b=9&f=1124457549&p=0

They were both so true to me!

A short note about the wedding

Myself has disappeared in the waves of the abundant humans' love... the whole world is blessed because of love... when love is uncovered and purified more, there will be no fear or suffering; and only joys, peace and freedom needed to be kept, forever to the forever... This is what I've learned from this wedding~

Peoples and I

*

I walk out....

and walk into peoples

There are many different kinds of peoples

*

One, his eye contacts are like butterflies

They fly in a wavy flow

dotty though

Once, they stop on the TV screen

and then alcohol bottles

and then the reflections of the windows

and then the chair handles

and then the wooden ceilings...

For five minutes that I have been watching him,

his butterflies never stop on my face

*

Another one, his whole face was glowing

his pair of hands was holding a big camera

with a very long lens

as if he had the most precious treasure

in this world

He was excited, very I could feel

After showing his camera window to many people,

he was then walking to me

With the face still shining

smiled

I felt flattered

was also curious at his camera window

He shares his treasure with me

enthusiastically

I see it! I can see it!

I can see his beautiful spirits

twisting inside that tiny square...

I am excited now

For the first time, I seriously want to remember his name

as an honour towards his talent

Soon, he jumped away

Right at the moment I opened my mouth

to also share with him, something from myself

His ignorance loudly slapped on my widely-opened heart

It had left...

surprised, hurting, and

completely alone

I will never put my beauties into his camera window

Never!

*

I walk out of peoples....

and soon, I need to walk back again

*

I greet to a woman

She has lively eyes and colourful expressions

She dances with me

we catch the lines of music, swimming together

like two blue dolphins

I've found myself fallen in love with her

immediately

Tap. tap. Tap... curve and Curve~

One little turn, and two

and the last Turn

a flicker of aggressiveness

sneakily flushes through her brownish skin

Was it just my illusion?

Was I jealous of her wonderfulness,

so I projected this aggressiveness onto her?

Or....

was I merely reflecting every piece of Truth?

fragmented like

I urge myself to leave

better to keep a nice distance from her

No matter in which cases

*

My mate wanted to go now

He just couldn't be bothered

to deal with this boringness

any more....

I looked around

peoples looked still enjoying themselves

very much, they supposed to

I silently replied to my mate,

'But I can't just leave my people like that!'

Painful

a stream of tears had wetted my eyes....

I stride towards my lover

I feel I have to!

Please don't ask me:

whether if he is my ex-lover,

my lover for now,

or, my potential lover in the future

From where I stand,

these don't make any sense to me

[Confusing usage of tenses]

I say to my lover,

'I love you, do you know that?'

Suddenly!

his puppet-like look melts into

Alive

for a second, just for one little second

for me to know that he still remembers

Who He Is

That's plenty enough, I wish....

this time, I've found both of my checks

Flooded

An important virtue for human beings' transcendence

A new ability that I agree* to be the most beneficial, efficient and morally good for a human being to acquire:
I am aware that what I’ve been strongly identified as a truth (the truth that I so much take for granted) might not be always true;
Or said, I often notice that I am merely assuming; and at the same time, to be able to spot the moment of uncovering the fact in which I’m after all blinded, scared, trapped and suffering from its narrowness of assumption.

This is indeed a virtue for the evolution of human beings!

* The reason I use ‘agree’ instead of ‘think’ or ‘consider’ is that I actually come across this fact-- I ‘agree’ with lots of great ancestors and higher spirits from my personal experience.



PS. English is still a language that I feel limited to fully express myself…, but it’s pretty close to what’s happening inside me though.

I use love to melt the unbearable feelings of distance...

On the coach back to London, I was reading the book 'Jonathan Livingston Seagull'. It didn't take me too much time to silently consent to Jonathan Seagull, "he spent the rest of his days alone, but he flew way out beyond the Far Cliffs. His one sorrow was not solitude, it was that other gulls refused to believe that glory of flight that awaited them; they refused to open their eyes and see."

Couple days ago, I spent a very special night with lots of blessings shared with my loved ones. Once again, I confirmed to myself quietly, "love is the only reason and solution; in fact, love IS existence." If someone ever came to the place I stand, he/she would immediately understand what I mean, and agree with this declaration.

Therefore, here comes the title of this note: "I use love to melt the unbearable feelings of distance..."
It's quite handy indeed!





This scene makes me think of a book called, "If there's a wanderer in the winter..." (I'm not quite sure about its English title, but in Chinese, it's translated as "如果在冬夜,一個旅人")

Very cool pictures, and I like them to go with this paragraph... I'm sending my heat and lights to this world, even in the darkest snow-storming night!

The "fake law" of attraction?

This is a sincere letter written to one of my dear friends.

Many thanks to him for raising this issue considering 'science' and 'spirits'. To those phenomenon that we haven't had the abilities to prove scientifically, we do need to rigorously categorize them into two different fields. However, I hope, with my whole heart, that someday, all of the human beings will experience how beautiful and joyful the spiritual world is, as I've been experiencing. By making it happen, we do need our scientists to work even harder, because we are aging and some people may never experience its beauties in their limited life, for the sake of their doubts. Those doubts were caused from their so called intelligent brain. Well, some doubts are necessary, but too much of them will constrain the freedom of a life, which I would consider it too stupid, ha!

To Cs:

Lately, I've been sincerely thinking about your 'emotional' speech regarding to the law of attraction. (Yes, on your birthday, you were very emotional talking about something that should be rationally and rigorously examined.)

I have to say: you were somehow RIGHT! We shouldn't claim something that is not scientifically proved as a 'law'. But on the other hand, we shouldn't directly reject any of its possibilities that it might be right, without carefully examining it, either.
Remember? You directly said 'the law of attraction is a lie', which was anti-scientific as well.

Two characteristics that I consider as a good scientist:
1. He/She is always curious/open to everything that might be happening.
2. He/She is humble towards this huge/massive universe.
(Of course, he/she must be very careful, rational and rigorous as that's the principle/nature of being a scientist.)

To this extend, I think both of us are not qualified enough to be a good scientist, although I know both of us are having a science degree.

However, who cares whether if 'the law of attraction' is true or false? I asked myself, and brought myself back to the original place where I bought that book for you...

What I really cared was YOU!!
Such a sensitive and fragile and kind and passionate and decent and intelligent man, like YOU!
How could this man have all the talent, but still suffer somehow deeply inside his heart?
(Even though, most of the time, he looked happy and funny.)
---Sorry for being very straight, I felt your status from my instinct, as being spiritual with a Psychology background.

I used to date two guys at your age (in different time of course), and one of them even proposed to me for marriage. Now, both of them got married, in a panic of aging, to the women they didn't particularly fall in love with. Interestingly, both of them were Pieces. Oh no! It was actually 'three Pieces guys', but the third one is still single, forty-one years old, and grieving for no wife.

I guess this was the main reason that I bought this book to you---
With my whole blessings; I wish you, as being a great guy, will catch what you really desire, instead of what you fear for.
To make it easy, the law of attraction is talking/suggesting about something that is very similar to the theory of self-fulfilling/self-defeating prophecy. And this "fake law" illustrates the process/functions in details.

However, I don't think I need to explain more here if you are not interested in. You were so right that there was no use trying to convince someone to do something, which might be beneficial to him/her, if the someone doesn't have the will.

Therefore, I guess it would be the end of this letter now.
(Great! I finally started to write it and actually finished it!)
Don't worry, I didn't spend all the time thinking about it.
(I was mostly focusing on my own personal life and lessons.)

Thank you very much for raising this issue, because one of my wishes is to help people spiritually or psychologically.
I've practiced it through you, ha ha! (I know I'm still crapped at the moment, but it will get better.)

All the best, my dearest kind friend,
Yours sincerely,
Yuan-yuan... Yes, not "when-when" again ;-)
.
.
.

Modeling for the photographer, Chris B.

It was an incidental occasion that I luckily became a model for the photographer, Chris B.
Thank you, Chris, you are a fantastic guy!
Next time, let's capture my dancing figures, what do you think?

I really enjoyed its outcomes, and wish to share them with you, my dear friends!
Please click the link below:
http://www.wretch.cc/album/album.php?id=SHYuan1410&book=1

Am I self-admired too much?
Oh well, just cannot help falling in love with myself now...
Feeling great!!
.
.
.

TO UNDERSTAND LOVE

Mth. sent me this message, and I couldn't stop crying while reading it...

The more that I'm sure about myself walking on the right path, the more tears I can easily gain.
Oh my dear God, that's all you wanted me to learn all those years, didn't you?

From Swami Vivekanantha :

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me.
Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this
water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."

This was how I saw it: "As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there.

However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.

This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you.
For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature.
If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.

Give and don't expect.
Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love.

To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring."

Passing thought...

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take;
but by the moments that take our breath away ..

Those Words that I Have Swallowed...

Today, Mth. and I had our brunches in the “Goldbrick House”, where Mth. often had meals with her lover, Pr. In the middle of our meals, she saw Pr. passing by again!! She has been bumping into him coincidentally everyday recently: there must be some magic in her that she could sense her lover so correctly. Anyway, she asked, ‘should I go and talk to him?’ I understood she had been thinking about that so much lately, so I encouraged her and said, ‘be careful for the cars!’

From my first instinct, I didn’t think Pr. would be happy to talk to her, so I naturally expected Pr. would just turn away from Mth. But a second thought came to my mind, ‘don’t I want to be an angel? So pray for both of them to the best outcomes!’ I prayed both of them for knowing how to deal with their problems with a lot of mature love, compassions. When Mth. came back to me, she was shivering. After a while, she finally said, ‘I had a lot of words that I wanted to talk to Pr., but the only word I could say was “sorry!” And, he said “sorry” to me too.’ Oh my God! My prayers worked!

I was so touched and said, ‘you did exactly what I had done to Ar.! That night while staying with him, I had a lot of words that I felt I must tell him. But until the last minute when I had to leave, the only words that could come out of my mouth were, “take care of your girl friend, and yourself too!”’ Mth. and I both ended up with tears lingering around our eyes…

It must be my idealistic love now: I just naturally loved without asking for anything in return.

My dear Ar., I can really keep my words this time now (I used to be a loser who always ruined my intimate relationships): I said I will work hard on our relationship, and I have made it from my part! We both left, because I could sense if we kept going on under the same old situation, we would end up like my parents, hating each other. I would hate you treating me like a shit, and you would hate me messing up your career. Since both of us were very confused and fragile at that time, there was no way to break the barriers through other than ‘having a break’. When I felt I could handle it, I became stumbled because I had no idea how long I would be able to stay in the UK! I had nothing to give you to promise you a happy future!

At the first time when I read your letter informing me that ‘you had a girl friend’, I cried and cried all night restlessly, feeling my heart would explode any time. The day after, I said to my friend, ‘I finally realized why I had the heart problem as “Mitral Valve Prolapse”. I thought I still lived in the Heaven and always tried to love people with my whole heart. But I forgot that I had a human’s body and an imperfect personality, and my heart couldn’t take the heaviness properly.’ That night (in September), I felt I was playing the most exciting games in a fun fair, none stopping!

After that night, I also dreamt that you had a very big penis: as big as a person’s height. Therefore, I tried to comfort myself that you only had a girl friend for the sexual needs. I felt terribly sorry that as such a masculine guy like you, you must have been experiencing a very tough time! However, my heart couldn’t stay in peace until I met your new girl friend in my other dream: she performed as perfect as a woman should do. Suddenly, I realized, how could I announce that ‘I have completely loved you’ without being able to appreciate everything that you have loved?

If my human-like obsessive love couldn’t work out in our relationship, then I must change: I searched and searched for answers. Ironically, I finally found that I was eligible to completely love you until the moment that I could also appreciate your new girl friend. Until the moment that I could naturally bless you all the best in your life! I could also amazingly set myself free, at the same time when I finally set you free from my mind!

It is difficult and too much like a Saint, I know; but it is the only solution that I could have found to fix our broken relationship! It is still difficult to me at the moment, but I know it is not impossible! One thing that will keep supporting me is my inner light, which will help me getting closer and closer to your soul, where there is no need for me to physically possess you. Keep in believing, believe in ‘love and freedom’; someday and somehow, we will eventually make it!

I was a bit disappointed when you said, ‘be careful: never let my girl friend know you stay here for one night! She is very jealous.’ In my mind, you are a freedom fighter, my hero and my rebel! ‘Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?’ Are we still like 'two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year?' (Wish you were here/ Pink Floyd) I really don't want the same old fears any more!!

So, please don’t! Please still fight for your freedom no matter whom you are dating with! You are very talented for that, you know?! Try to explain to your girl gently and nicely about your needs, try to work somehow to fix it, but never compromise! It feels so alone to insist on what my soul has told me, so please don’t take away your most valuable parts just because of the weakness. Or I will feel even more alone by knowing that! We don’t have to stay together, but please don’t surrender!

I really don’t know what will happen in the future, but I wish you all the best and good luck with your new intimate relationship! By the way, if you are free someday or somehow, you are more than welcome to come back to my warm and healthy heart: it's nice and cosy now :-)